The sun rose again, and just like that, I’ve been a “mama” for nearly a year-and-a-half.
A few months ago, as I hit the one year mark of motherhood, I began reflecting on all I’ve learned as our family grew from two to three. And while there are countless lessons learned about life, and youth, and sleep, and (mostly) myself, there were two things that I want to be sure I never forget. Here’s what I wrote…
Amanda, may you never forget:
1. About being a life enthusiast.
My favorite thing that my daughter taught me in her first year of life is what it means to be a life-enthusiast -- to live in a joyful state of curiosity.
She is captivated by the trees dancing in the wind and the birds sailing across the sky. The ocean twirls to kiss her toes and she chases it -- longing for more. Nature is revered and celebrated - a rock held as precious as gold and leaves examined with squealed delight and flowers noticed popping through the sidewalk cracks.
Life is seen and life is affirmed with a gaze, a wave, a greeting (in native babe-speech). Tiny eyes and tiny hands and tiny toes long to see and to do with another. Dance (composed of a right arm sway, and now, marching feet), is freely flowing to the music of instruments, vocals, or the song of the wind. The world is watched with glittering eyes and life is lived with a joyful song.
And this. This is how I want to live. Learning, growing, partaking, revering, celebrating. An active participant in the magic that is all around us.
2. About the power of encouragement.
I think the art of becoming a mom - the changing of roles and the new life rhythms – can be a bit confusing and overwhelming (or maybe it’s just me?) How does my pre-motherhood self, mesh with my new role as a mom? How do I find time to keep the baby healthy and thriving, and to work (in or out of the home), and to sleep, and to shower? Am I doing this right? Is the baby going to be ok?
When our daughter was born, the pastor of our church visited us in the hospital, and he (who has a house full of children) said something to the effect of: children teach us the depths of selflessness. He’s right, of course. The physical giving of a mother’s body to grow her child, the sleepless nights once they arrive, the altering of schedules, the making room, the new identities (the new names, - mama, dada- even), the total and complete changing of one’s life in order to care for another. Selflessness, perhaps, in its purest (and most rewarding) form.
And in the midst of this, I have come to realize that for me, (and perhaps for others, too?) encouragement is the nourishment needed so that selflessness may bloom.
For in the last year, the power of verbal encouragement has never been a stronger force in my life. A note from a stranger on a plane as I held the wiggliest (and not the happiest) baby “you’re doing a great job mama! Keep it up!” A text from a friend encouraging me to write (writing is breath for my soul). Specific, kind words spoken by my husband about my actions as a new mom. --- These --- these are the things that watered my heart, and offered sun to my soul through the growing pains of motherhood (and life). They are the things that kept a pep in my step and turned my mood when the sleep-deprivation was about to take over.
I have come to believe more strongly than ever, that “the power of death and life” truly do reside in the tongue (Prov. 21:18). Our words can lift one another up, or they can tear us down- they can strengthen relationship or they can break it – they can offer life, or bring darkness. What power we wield.
And perhaps we don’t recognize this power enough. But as I think about raising my daughter, I want to be sure I never forget the power of encouragement.
Traditionally, we teach our children “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and yet, what I think we want to teach them is something more like, “always have something kind to say, and speak up often.”
I don’t want to teach my daughter to focus on holding her tongue, but instead to search for the good in others and to tell them all about it.
Because in just a few short months (*now, in fact*), she will be able to speak and she, in her little body, with her tiny spirit, will begin to hold the power of life or death.
And as she learns to use her words, I want to teach her to be an encourager.
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A brief pause here.
Compliment: an expression of praise, commendation, admiration.
Encouragement: the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.
Compliments are nice, but encouragement, I think, might be the greatest gift we can give one another.
Compliments express admiration; this often necessitates positioning- you are better at this than me (or her). I think our world gives us enough comparisons and opportunities for positioning- we don’t need to offer one more. Plus, this can lead to brown-nosing, no?
Encouragement, on the other hand, speaks to our soul. It says you are seen and you matter. It says you have a lot to offer this world, your gifts and your talents are valued and you are noticed. The roots of encouragement - “to put in courage.” Words of encouragement are those that give us the courage to be – and to share -- ourselves with one another, to keep going, to offer ourselves to the world.
I want to be an encourager and I want to teach my daughter to be an encourager, too.
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And sometimes, too, I need to be reminded to speak words of encouragement to myself.
As my daughter’s first birthday approached, I found myself quite discouraged. The baby weight wasn’t totally gone and the baby wasn’t totally sleep trained and the business totally wasn’t where I wanted it to be. And the discouragement was growing like a weed.
And then a dear friend texted me to say, “I hope you’re proud of yourself, surviving the first year of motherhood is tough.” And I decided that she was right, and that instead of focusing on what didn’t happen in baby’s first year, I would focus on what did. I opened a note on my phone and made lists of encouragement to myself: “things I overcame” “things I facilitated,” “decisions I made,” and “other.” And this note is still on my phone, an open encouragement reference for the cloudier days.
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And so, as I walk into year two of motherhood- may I watch with eyes wide-open for opportunities to speak encouragement to those around me, and may I inspire such courage in myself, too.
Because in the end, I hope it will be said that we danced through life with reverence and celebration, and that encouragement was the song we sung.
