I want to be clear about what the self-talk (affirmation) part of this project is – or more precisely- what it is not.
Affirmations are assuredly not therapy. The practice of healthy self-talk will not necessarily “fix” our problems. It will not heal mental health concerns. (In fact, some research indicates that affirmations can be detrimental for individuals suffering from depression. If this is you, please do not join us for this practice).
The affirmations offered here are also not some form of metaphysical self-help or mysticism. Thinking good thoughts will not necessarily bring goodness into your life.
And to be clear, many of the affirmations in the language of healthy self-talk are not “positive” in and of themselves. We are healthier people when we acknowledge and accept that we are people of light and of dark; that our days are (literally and figuratively) marked by the passing of the day and of the night, of the flourishing spring and of the barren winter. When we remember that the sun’s light creates shadow while the moon’s light illuminates the night. And in the same way, our dynamic and layered lives are built of light and of dark, of good and of hard, of joy and of pain.
These affirmations are, however, opportunities to recalibrate what Cognitive-Behavioral psychologists call self-talk; the inner language of our thoughts. This practice is heavily rooted in the field of cognitive-behavioral psychology (which is largely considered to have the strongest research backing of all therapeutic methods).
Cognitive-behavioral psychologists posit that our mental health is largely influenced by our thoughts and beliefs, which drive our behavior and impact our emotional experiences in a cyclical manner. Psychologists who work within this framework, help clients to identify what they call “faulty thinking” or “irrational beliefs” in order that clients may reframe their thoughts in healthy, productive ways. Thoughts are considered irrational if they distort reality, lead to unhealthy emotions or behavior, or prevent functioning and flourishing.
Our personal patterns of thinking become the language of our inner-dialogues (self-talk) and the mental filters through which we experience the world. Too often, we absorb faulty patterns of thinking that seep in with the falsely sweet aroma of our culture. We learn things like: you must be perfect, you must ensure nothing goes wrong, you must have perfect control, you must be loved by everyone.
These beliefs become accustomed through things like the people we celebrate, the questions we ask, the language we use, the relationships we have (and the ones we lose). We internalize these messages and begin to live by them, often without much reflection.
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Children engage in what developmental psychologists call private speech. It’s self-talk, out loud; language intended to reach only the child who is speaking the words. As we age, we tighten our lips and move these personal dialogues inward.
It is my hope to move a few of these dialogues back outward. That by talking about and acknowledging our patterns of thought, we can re-shape the unproductive parts of our inner language in ways that alter the ways we think about and speak to one another and to ourselves.
In this way, the weekly mantras serve as reminders to monitor our thinking and as a compass to recalibrate our thoughts toward truth. The goal, of course, is that as we do, we develop a healthier dialect of self- talk (and that we offer our children the same). And that as we live out of these healthier dialogues, our lives might be marked by empathy and self-respect, by strength and peace, by kindness and kinship.
