“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled” – Plutarch
It was at a dear friend’s wedding, years ago, that I first remember saying it aloud. The bride’s cousin turned to me to ask me what I wanted to do with my life. (A big question to ask someone you hardly know).
I replied briefly, told him what I was studying (counseling psychology), probably rambled off something about my past work in education. He pushed back, “no,” he clarified, “I don’t want to know what your next step is, I want to know what you want to do- where will you make your impact?”
To be honest, I remember feeling taken aback. He was assertive and I was twenty-four, one year into my master’s program and (quite) a bit annoyed that he was unsatisfied with my answer. But I gathered my thoughts and then found words spilling out of my mouth faster than I could think: I want to see a world that teaches young people the skills of counseling and psychology alongside their lessons in math and literature. I want to see young people who understand their emotions, develop deep empathy, and know how to communicate effectively. And I want to help design the curriculum to teach them just that. He was satisfied with this answer.
So was I.
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Recently, in our home, we have been talking about education. What our goals are for our daughter- for ourselves. How to inspire a love of learning, a passion to chase curiosity, a fascination with questions, a comfort in the grey.
I initially entered the field of education as a Teach for America corps member, a reformer, a young woman disgruntled with her own secondary education, ready to overhaul the system. Nearly a decade has passed since my first day as a teacher, and many things have changed. But one thing has not- my absolute conviction that the skills of applied psychology are a necessary component of a true education and a necessary component for a healthy life.
For while I am grateful that calculus challenged my mind to approach analytical, quantitative reasoning in new ways, a career-path outside of the world of physics and engineering has rendered my ability to solve calculous equations relatively meaningless in my day-to-day life.
Yet the content taught in the field of counseling psychology is pertinent to nearly every moment of my [and I would wager, your] waking day. And with advances in neuroscience and psychological research occurring daily, the knowledge-set that we have pertaining to human functioning and flourishing is ever-expanding. The field offers research-backed skills and practices that contribute to clarity of mind, improve communication, and increase empathetic relationships. These, to me, are essential to the foundation of a healthy human, a conscious citizen, and an empathetic life.
Necessary for the person I want to be, the person I hope my daughter will become, and the world I hope to see her dwell in, care for, and contribute to.
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Yet when I went to pull together resources to help refine these skills in myself and resources to introduce them to my daughter, I came up empty. Self-help gurus and life-coach sages pepper the Internet with ideas for “better living.” Pop-psych articles and self-care columns offer “sounds-good advice.” But the real stuff? It was hard to come by.
So I returned to that statement spoken years ago at my friend’s wedding, and this kindling project was born: thought kindling for kind living. Accessible (and practical) psychology resources for adults and children, carefully crafted by a certified counselor. It was (and is) crucial to me that my daughter sees me kindling this growth-area alongside her. A reminder that we are ever in-process of becoming.
Here’s what you’ll find: Each month, a new focus (patience, creativity, hope, peace). And with that focus in mind, each week: an affirmation (a statement targeted at wiring healthy self-talk, or re-wiring self-talk for those of us who engage in faulty patterns of thinking), and an activity to kindle growth in that focus-area (one for adults and one for kids). Each month there will also be a few reflection questions (for journaling or to spark conversation), and a piece of art or poetry for reflection.
The goal is deliberate care of our hearts and minds, a remembering that one is never grown, a re-calibration of our attention toward the things that matter, and a thoughtful tending to our soul.
That we might kindle the fire of our mind- and our heart. That this fire might spark kindness in ourselves and in our world.
